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In workplace relationships, what goes unsaid is so often underestimated, and so dangerous

MRS® open door #7 – Relational Proactivity in the workplace

There are things people do not say in organisations. Sometimes it is a kind intention not to offend; elsewhere it is the hushed culture of a company where people say things without saying them; elsewhere still, people claim there is no time, or no point, “we understand each other!”

Whether it is a lack of will, courage, time, or simply of the right words, clear, adult and respectful, what goes unsaid stays beneath the surface, and so do the tensions. Until they explode.

In our working environments there are also the tensions we keep to ourselves, the decisions we did not understand and do not challenge.

Have you ever left a meeting with doubts you never voiced?

At first, these avoidances seem minor. They do not stop the work. Then they add up. After a while, they set something else in place: a wary reserve. A way of protecting oneself. An imperceptible withdrawal, a distance. And in the end, a loss of collective momentum.

It is not spectacular at first, and it is very real. Proactivity drops, energy fades, output slows down, and it is nobody’s fault. Everyone is affected. The virus of the unspoken has triggered an epidemic: presenteeism. We are here, without being fully present.

In our work on organisational diagnosis, this is a signal we notice very early on.

Conflict is not what damages an organisation. What damages it is the lack of practice in healthy relationships.

What indicator #7 reveals: Relational Proactivity

In the Systemic Resonance Model, Relational Proactivity is one of the nine components through which we read the dynamics of an organisation as a living system.

Relational proactivity is the ability to put a sensitive subject on the table, at the right time, in the right place.
It is also a stance of regulation. We do not let tensions drag on. We do not let misunderstandings settle in. And we do not rely on “sunny” personalities alone to manage the atmosphere.

In companies and organisations where this component is active, issues are dealt with earlier and more openly. People do not get on better. They know how to adjust. They know how to say things without hurting. And above all, they know they have the right to.

When speaking up restores momentum: Pixar, an example

At Pixar, during the production of Toy Story 2, the team was facing a script that did not work[1]. The project had fallen behind schedule, and everyone was moving forward without believing in it.
Meetings followed one another, and the real questions went unasked.

Until one of the co-directors dared to say: “We are ruining our film.”
He did not shout it. He did not impose it. He named a feeling the team shared. That simple gesture allowed others to join him. The script was reworked. The team’s energy came back. The project started again.

At Pixar, this kind of speaking up is encouraged. They call it the « Braintrust »: a space where everyone, whatever their role, can express what they see or feel without fear of being judged. It is part of the way they work, and it is something they build.

When silence creates distance: Michel & Augustin, a counter-example

Another context, another story. In 2019, the company Michel & Augustin changed leadership.
One of the two founders left, and a more conventional profile took over, with a more structured culture from a large group.

Things changed fast: more processes, more reporting, fewer local initiatives.
What went unsaid at first was that the management style was not going down well[2]. Some employees no longer recognised themselves in the company. Feedback was rare. Disagreements stayed internal. And weak signals did not reach the top.

Within a few months, several key people left the company. The brand’s identity, which rested as much on its atmosphere as on its products, crumbled.

This was not a strategic error. The project was still sound. The flow of speech had closed up, and with it, part of the internal dynamic.

What leaders owe it to themselves to observe

In the organisations we support, one thing holds true: the more demanding a company is in its objectives, the more it needs to regulate its relationships with fluidity.

This does not mean tipping over into all things emotional. It means creating clear conditions so that important or sensitive subjects can be raised.

It often starts with a few simple observations:

• Do tensions circulate, or do they freeze?
• Do some people end up falling silent, when they used to have an active voice?
• Does critical feedback reach the leadership, or get lost on the way?
• Do meetings allow people to say things… or to keep up appearances?

When we put these questions to a leadership team or an HR team, the answers are often nuanced. That is to be expected. This is not a box to tick. It is a level of collective vigilance.

What we offer in MRS® VIP seminars

When we carry out an MRS® diagnosis, we examine this kind of dynamic. These are not vague impressions. They are organised, analysed, compared data, within an anonymous and structured framework.

We identify:

• where speech flows,
• where it is blocked,
• where it can be restored with ease,
• and where it calls for real work on the organisation.

In our MRS® VIP seminars, we go further.
We do not stop at measuring. We work with leaders on how to open, or reopen, spaces for regulation. This takes place in full confidentiality, with method, and without blame.

The aim is not to put teams “in the confessional”, it is to identify the right levers to bring movement back where things are starting to freeze.

In summary

What goes unsaid is not a secondary problem.
It is often a leading indicator of a relational slowdown. And in high-stakes contexts, it becomes a strategic risk.

Relational Proactivity, as we observe it in our model, is a mechanism of collective health. It can be stimulated, regulated, steered.

Sometimes, a few small things are enough for speech to return, and with it, the dynamic of a team.

If this subject speaks to you, let’s talk about it.

In one confidential conversation, we can offer you a first reading of your situation, and see whether our approach is useful to you.

Because, in the end, leaders do not have to carry everything alone.
They do have the responsibility to set the framework in which things can be said, openly, and without visible or invisible violence.

Table – Preventing the unspoken in the organisation

Risk indicators	Possible consequences	Actions to take
Little spontaneous feedback in meetings, above all on sensitive decisions	Employees withdraw, silent disengagement	Set aside time for delayed feedback (e.g. feedback 24 hours after an announcement)
Critical feedback voiced only in private or off the record	A culture of double talk, loss of trust in management	Make the “right to disagree” explicit in group settings and model this behaviour
Falling participation in meetings, or passive presence	Relational fatigue, loss of collective momentum	Ask in one-to-ones: “What have you left unsaid lately that you think is important?”
Some managers “filter” feedback from the field too much	A gap between leadership and operations, a misreading of the climate	Set up a direct channel of expression (anonymous barometer, topic box, mirror group)
Breakdown of dialogue between teams or between levels of hierarchy	Frozen areas of tension, turf wars	Organise a cross-team session with mediation (external or HR) centred on mutual expectations
Departures follow one another without the root causes being shared	Erosion of the culture, loss of talent	Hold a collective review after a departure (without naming the person) to address the systemic causes

Would you like to run a quick self-diagnosis of your organisation on MRS® component #7

Relational Proactivity

Instructions: Tick the boxes that match what you observe in your organisation or team. If you tick 3 boxes or more, targeted action is recommended.

Observable indicators

• In meetings, few people dare to voice disagreement openly.
• Critical feedback is often given in private, after the event, or indirectly.
• Some employees take less part than before, for no apparent reason.
• Interpersonal tensions are never raised as a group, except when the leadership brings them up.
• Feedback from the field takes time to reach the leadership, or is filtered.
• Key people have left the organisation recently, without the causes being discussed internally.
• Misunderstandings or friction recur between teams or departments, with no real resolution.
• Sensitive subjects are never raised, even when they have a visible impact.
• The “general climate” seems calm… and several weak signals suggest that things are going unsaid.

Reading your score

• 0 to 2 boxes ticked:
  Your organisation seems to have a good level of relational regulation. Stay alert to weak signals.
• 3 to 5 boxes ticked:
  You are in an area to watch. It is time to open a safe space for speaking up, or to measure the state of relationships in more detail (e.g. mini-survey, cross interviews).
• 6 boxes or more ticked:
  Your relational system is in a deep slowdown. We recommend an external diagnosis (such as the MRS®) so that what goes unsaid does not turn into withdrawal or conflict.

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[1] Source: Ed Catmull – Creativity, Inc.

[2] Source: Les Échos Start, 2020 – “Michel & Augustin : que reste-t-il de la start-up joyeuse ?” (in French)